You know that feeling of intense loneliness you get sometimes? When you’re just sitting there minding your own business and then something just triggers inside you and you feel empty; as though someone had accidentally left, open, the window to your soul and all the contents just flew away? I get that surprisingly often and it is often then partnered with the urge to hug someone. Someone who isn’t there.
I started out this blog with an opening post talking about how I have too much happiness in me and how I want to share this with other people so others can enjoy life as much as I do. Believe me, that happiness is still there and I still have so much to share. But sometimes it is important that we reflect on things that make this happiness so wonderful. Those moments of emptiness, moments of inexplicable sadness and moments of incomprehensible loneliness that add a touch of brilliance to every smile, to every laugh and to every friend.
Sometimes in these moments, I feel as though I put more effort and more love into people than I will ever get back. I feel as though I focus all my energy on trying to get responses from people who will always be too busy or too distracted to have much to do with me. I feel as though some people make me so much happier than I make them and that some people are worth more to me than I am to them.
But it is in these moments that I remember the others. The people who I don’t have to put so much effort into hassling for a response because they are so much more open with their love and their support. It is at these times that these people seem to be worth so much more. Are so much more amazing.
What’s more, the people who you put all of that effort into, who seem like a dead weight dragging you down… well sometimes you’re that effortless friend to them, who makes them smile in that moment of loneliness. That, in itself, is brilliant.
As I sit here writing this, I feel that void in me. But as I have written, its edges have softened and I am reminded of just how lucky I am, how many friends I have and how much I am loved. I hope that this can be a reminder to you as well.
Life continues to be brilliant, even in the moments of darkness. You just have to learn to see the light and if there isn’t one, be one.
Be happy and always love,